Two Conversations

Thor: Last year, my wife took me to one of those house-turned-into-eatery restaurants for lunch. One usually doesn't think of lunch as intimate, but we were seated at one of three tables in an ex-bedroom. Naturally, we couldn't chat with each other because at one of the other tables was a pair of bitter 25-year-old women. Well, at least one of them was bitter. The other, like us, couldn't get a word in, because the noisy one was bitching about her boyfriend.

This was twisted on so many levels. First, if the guy is such a dolt, one wonders why she's going out with him. (Then again, somewhere deep inside, she probably realizes that a bitch like her would be lucky to get a date with the heroin addict that lives under the overpass.) Second, a major portion of the pain in her life is caused by her self-centeredness, which she amply displayed in two ways: A: Her boyfriend wasn't attending to her various (and mysterious) needs in the way she thought he ought. B: She thinks the entire world should hear about her trials and tribulations, rather than enjoying lunch and sensible conversation.

Third, and this is the kicker, her problem of the day was that she didn't like the Valentine's Day present he bought for her. He didn't cheat on her. He didn't borrow money from her and not pay it back. He didn't even forget an important holiday. He did everything he was supposed to do. I'd hardly call him "lazy", but she did. The key quote would be "I can't buh-LIEVE this dolt is too damn lazy to ask some of my friends what I might like as a gift!!" (Said with a voice that would peel lead paint off a barn.)

Oh, the bastard.

Oh, the poor bastard.

Tyr: I'm imagining the same scene one year later. The same conversation (is it really a "conversation" if
only one person talks?) about the same boyfriend (assuming he's dumb enough to still be with her) with the only change being that this year he did poll her friends and get some excellent suggestions for gifts. She of course is not happy, but this year her central theme would be "This helpless imbecile can't pick out a decent gift on his own, so he had to go around and ask my friends to find out what I like!!"

I feel in my gut that this really happened. Some people just have to gripe. Indeed, blog exists so that we (especially Thor) can vent a bit. It gets rough on the rest of the world, however, when the griper never quits, is unhappy with both situation P and situation not-P, and she's so freaking noisy about it. I'm guessing that, on one hand, if she'd shut her yap she could land a more suitable boyfriend. But on the other hand, she probably has a deep-seated need to have a boyfriend who daily commits infractions against her secret rule system.

In summary: They should get married so they can drive each other crazy more conveniently.

Tyr and Thor